October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month (and today, October 15th, is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day) and last October, I had no idea this existed. This October, my life has been changed in ways I never thought possible.
I have lost two babies in 2013 - one, a surprise pregnancy in March, which I miscarried somewhere in the first trimester, and, two, a twin to the baby boy I'm currently carrying, just six weeks ago when I was 11 weeks pregnant. I had not even told family members we were expecting baby #3 back in March, so my miscarriage was mainly suffered alone, at home, with my husband (and the exception of a few close friends). I wish I would've shared that pain. Before today, I've told a handful of people that I just lost a twin to my baby.
Now, suffering a loss again and so soon, I'm devastated and lost, grateful and happy. After doing some soul searching via the internets invaluable motherhood boards, I came across Brandi Wolfe's story from Preggie Pals today, and I couldn't have written it any more eloquently. Nor could I have found a story that is almost identical to my own unless I wrote it myself (which is why I stole her title). Like Brandi, I think these stories of loss are very real, and not sharing them is doing a detriment to future mothers of the world, who deserve some peace when they (we) are crying and bleeding at 2am, eating Golden Grahams and trying not to vomit, seeking solace for our souls and our wombs.
To celebrate this month, and to help heal my heart, I'm writing this post and sharing my story. I'm also one of the artists creating a small niche for Boise's Dia de los Muertos celebration at Boise 150's Sesqui-Shop in honor of my two babies that I can never hold, except in my heart. I'm ready to speak out. I need to know I'm not alone. You are not alone.
